There are times in our working, professional, or personal lives when someone says something to us just rubs you the wrong way. It can be especially painful when it is done in front of others, in your blog’s comment thread, in an online forum, or with others copied on the email thread. We can feel offended or put off by these obnoxious comments or questions. When this happens, the most important thing to do is to move on, and get over it. The worse thing you can do is to let it drag you down.
If you hold onto a grudge it WILL:
…keep you from pursuing your personal interests, such as marathon running, or cool DIY home renovations
…keep you from doing great things, like making that great dessert you wanted to make for the dinner party
…keep you from your calling, such as learning new technologies like HTML5 or web analytics tools that can help you solve more problems at work
No matter how terrible you feel when someone embarrasses you, here are five tips you can use to… just get over it.
1. Accept the fact that it’s an ‘ego-thing.’
I heard once that usually people don’t get over things because they hold onto their ego too much. They can’t believe that someone could possibly find fault in them, or could not love them. However, if we accept the fact that offense is all about the ego, we are well on the way to getting over the issue, and moving on with having fulfilling personal and professional lives.
2. Do not tell anyone, do not gossip.
No matter how hard it is to resist, do not tell anyone about the offender — it will NOT make you feel any better. This will not help you to get over the offender, and it will just make you look like you are a complaining gossiper. People who are familiar with the situation, and involved with the offender, will look differently toward them. No matter how much you want others to join you in your misery, this can seriously backfire. You should just give everyone the opportunity to interact with the offender, and let the truth speak for itself. (Unless they have physically harmed you, or are causing harm to others. In this case, you should talk with someone about it). It’s best to talk with a neutral party if anything, someone who does not work with you, and is not related to you. If you have to let it out, journal about it.
3. Let time run its course — by distracting yourself.
Sometimes you just need some distance from the offender, or distance from the offending incident. One thing I like to do is escape into entertaining TV shows, movies, or exercise. Sometimes only time can help heal from being hurt.
4. Always keep some spare chocolate on hand — dark chocolate.
Don’t deny that dark chocolate makes you feel better… embrace it. This is definitely not something to fight, but to allow it to soothe your broken heart. You will soon be so mesmerized by the bittersweet taste of the dark chocolate, that you will forget all about the offender… at least for a little while.
5. Keep soothing scents nearby that remind you of peaceful places.
Someone told me recently that smell is the strongest of the five senses for memory recall — he said this is why, for example, we are able to remember childhood memories so well when we smell the chocolate chip cookies baking. I don’t know if this is true, but it seems to work well for me when I’m trying to just calm myself down. The scent I like to have with me is lavender. It reminds me of my favorite yoga classes I used to take when I was in college, which were SO soothing. The instructor used to spray lavender on our hands just before chavasana, or the final relaxation phase. Every time I smell lavender, I can’t help but think of soothing thoughts… and it gets rid of the embarrassing thoughts I’m trying to forget about.
In summary, build a bridge and get over it. Seriously, this isn’t just a saying. Find some way to get past your hurt — built that bridge that gets you from where you are to the other side of the river.